Summer is often seen as a time of carefree fun, family vacations, and lazy days spent by the pool. For many families, it’s a chance to create memories and soak up the sunshine. But for families of children with autism, the reality of summer can be very different from what was hoped for.

Whether it’s dealing with changes in routine, social challenges, or the sensory overload that summer activities often bring, the summer you imagined may not always align with the summer you experience.

And that’s okay. Grieving the gap between what you expected and what is actually possible is a normal, yet often overlooked, part of caring for a loved one with autism.

Here’s a closer look at why it’s okay to grieve the summer you expected to have—and how you can still find joy in the moments you do have.

The Weight of Expectations

There’s often a pressure to make the most of summer. Social media shows families having fun at water parks, going on adventures, or hosting backyard barbecues. But for families of children with autism, these seemingly simple activities can be overwhelming—both for the child and the parents.

You might have expected a relaxing summer, only to find that the changes in routine or the unpredictability of activities are too much for your child to handle. And while others might be out exploring, you’re left adjusting your expectations and creating your own version of a summer that works.

It’s okay to feel sadness or frustration about this. The gap between expectation and reality can be tough to navigate, and it's important to acknowledge that grief.

The Challenge of Change

Summer often brings change. For kids with autism, these changes—whether it’s a shift in routine, new environments, or different people—can create a sense of unease. The unpredictability of summer events, the noise at public places, or the lack of structure can cause anxiety or meltdowns.

When you’re used to a structured school routine, the sudden shift can be jarring, and it might feel like you’re constantly adjusting. You might have hoped for a summer of exploration and freedom, only to find yourself in a cycle of trying to manage your child’s sensory needs, preferences, and emotional responses.

That’s a lot to take on, and it’s okay to grieve the summer you envisioned.

Caring for Yourself

Grief doesn’t just come from the activities you’re missing—it can also stem from the toll caregiving takes. The emotional labor involved in caring for a child with autism doesn’t stop when school lets out. In fact, it can feel even more intense during the summer when routines are disrupted.

You might find yourself juggling the responsibility of making sure your child is happy and engaged, while also trying to maintain some semblance of your own well-being. The exhaustion of caregiving, combined with the disappointment of not having the carefree summer you imagined, can create a sense of loss.

Don’t underestimate the importance of acknowledging that grief. It’s natural to feel sadness or even frustration when your self-care needs take a backseat.

Reframing Expectations

While grieving the summer you expected to have is important, it’s also helpful to reframe your expectations. Instead of focusing on the activities or outings you “should” be doing, consider the small moments of joy that are still possible. For instance:

Enjoying quiet time at home with sensory-friendly activities.
Exploring nature in a way that accommodates your child’s sensory needs.
Finding a local park with less noise or crowds, so your child can still experience the outdoors without feeling overwhelmed.

It’s not about forcing “normal” summer experiences—it’s about creating moments that work for your family’s needs.

Finding Support

It can be easy to feel isolated when you’re grieving the summer you thought you’d have. The comparison to other families can be tough, and you might feel like you’re missing out on the experiences others are enjoying. But remember, you’re not alone. Finding support from others who understand the unique challenges of raising a child with autism can make all the difference.

Whether it’s connecting with other parents in similar situations, joining an autism support group, or reaching out to local resources like ARK, support can help ease the emotional burden of grieving.

Grieving the summer you expected to have doesn’t mean you’re not doing enough—it means you’re acknowledging the emotional impact of the reality you’re living. It’s okay to feel disappointed or frustrated. At the same time, it’s important to celebrate the small victories and find joy in the summer that is possible.

This summer, try to focus on what works for your family, and embrace the moments that bring you together. There may be challenges, but there can also be moments of laughter, connection, and happiness that are uniquely yours.

Grieving the Summer You Expected to Have When Caring for Someone with Autism