GIFT GIVING: JOYFUL, TRICKY, AND TOTALLY PERSONAL FOR AUTISTIC FAMILIES

Gift giving is one of those holiday traditions that looks beautifully simple in movies: someone unwraps the perfect gift, gasps dramatically, everyone hugs, cue the soft music.

In real life - especially in autistic families - gift giving can be… well, different.

Sometimes it’s joyful.

Sometimes it’s confusing.

Sometimes it’s stressful for both the giver and the receiver.

And sometimes the most appreciated gift is the one you didn’t even wrap because your child “borrowed” it two weeks early and refuses to give it back.

No matter what your holidays look like, there’s nothing wrong or unusual about needing to do gift giving your own way.

The Pressure to React

One of the biggest challenges for autistic people is the unspoken script behind gift giving:

Look excited.
Say thank you.
Possibly hug someone.
Definitely don’t say “I don’t like this.”

That’s a lot of social expectations layered on top of the sensory chaos of the holidays. And for people who struggle with facial expressions, communication, or social scripts, it can feel like a performance.

Many parents quietly tell us:

“My child liked the gift, but their reaction didn’t look like it.”

That’s okay.

Joy doesn’t have to be loud to be real.

A soft smile, a long stare, a quiet “thank you,” or even setting a gift aside to explore later - those are all valid reactions.

When Giving a Gift Is Hard Too

Some autistic people love giving gifts. Some find it confusing or stressful. Picking a gift often involves things that don’t come naturally:

Reading someone’s preferences
Imagining what they might like
Shopping in busy stores
Wrapping (a sensory challenge all on its own)
Dealing with surprises and unpredictability

And for people who struggle with flexible thinking, it might be tough to imagine anyone wanting something different from what they want.

If they need support choosing or giving gifts, you're not alone - and you’re not doing anything wrong.

Ways to Make Gift Giving Easier

Small shifts can make the whole experience much more enjoyable for autistic people:

Give predictable gifts. If they love one specific kind of toy, book, or stim… keep going. Repetition is not a failure - it’s comfort.
Skip the surprise. Let them choose their own gift or tell them what they’re getting early.
Use simple wrapping or no wrapping at all if textures are an issue.
Share a script for how to receive a gift (“Thank you for thinking of me”).
Let siblings or relatives know not to expect big reactions.
Buy in advance and store things in plain sight if waiting is hard (or impossible).

And yes, it’s okay if they give someone a gift that reflects their special interest. There’s something incredibly sweet about someone saying, “I love this thing. I want to share it with you.”

The Gifts That Matter Most

They might not respond to gifts in traditional ways - but they still feel loved and connected in their own ways.

Some people show joy through repetition (“Look! Look again!”).

Some through silence.

Some through stimming.

Some through later moments - hours or even days after all the wrapping paper has been vacuumed up.

Gift giving isn’t about performance. It’s about connection.

Your Holiday, Your Rules

You’re allowed to do gift giving differently.

You’re allowed to skip wrapping, skip surprises, or skip gift exchanges with extended family if they’re stressful.

You’re allowed to be honest with relatives about what your child can handle.

The holidays will never look the same for every family - and that’s a good thing.

Let them experience giving and receiving in a way that’s authentic and comfortable for them. That’s not lowering expectations. That’s redefining what joy looks like.

And honestly? That’s the kind of holiday magic we can get behind.

Gift Giving with Autism Guide