HOLIDAY VISITS: MAKING FAMILY TIME WORK FOR AUTISTIC PEOPLE

The holidays are full of visits - houses filled with relatives, friends dropping by, cousins everywhere, and everyone expecting the same cheerful energy from your kids.

For many autistic people, holiday visits can be exciting… or completely overwhelming. Bright lights, loud voices, unfamiliar routines, and new social rules can turn what’s supposed to be a joyful time into a sensory avalanche.

At ARK, we believe holiday visits can work - you just have to plan them around your family’s needs instead of the other way around.

Why Holiday Visits Can Be Tough

Visiting other homes comes with lots of unpredictability:

New environments: Different smells, lighting, furniture, and layouts can feel disorienting.
Crowds and noise: Relatives talking all at once, background music, and laughing can be overstimulating.
Social expectations: Hugs, greetings, eye contact, and small talk - sometimes all at once.
Unfamiliar routines: Meal times, gift exchanges, and group activities may be different from your home’s routine.

Even well-meaning relatives can inadvertently add stress by insisting on hugs, asking endless questions, or pressuring them to “join in.”

Preparing Your Child

Preview the visit: Talk through who will be there, what will happen, and what the schedule might look like. Visual schedules or social stories can help.
Give them choices: Let them know they can opt out of certain activities, step away when needed, or have their own quiet space.
Practice greetings and goodbyes: Short role-playing sessions can make hellos and farewells less stressful.

Making the Visit More Manageable

Create a “safe spot”: Even a corner with a favourite toy, book, or blanket can make a big difference.
Use headphones or earplugs if needed: Some people can tolerate the visit better with a little sound buffering.
Bring familiar food or comfort items: Snacks or objects from home provide stability amid the change.
Keep visits short if necessary: It’s okay to leave early or arrive late - quality matters more than duration.
Set realistic expectations for relatives: A gentle heads-up helps everyone understand that they might not hug, sit at the table, or engage in expected ways.

Helping Everyone Adjust

Encourage gentle interactions: Suggest that relatives sit nearby rather than hover, speak calmly, and respect personal space.
Avoid surprises: If someone unexpected is attending, warn them in advance.
Normalize breaks: Step outside, walk around, or visit another room - breaks are not bad behavior, they’re self-regulation.

Reframing Success

Success during holiday visits isn’t measured by photos, hugs, or small talk. It’s measured by:

Them feeling safe and respected
Minimal meltdowns or stress
Enjoyable interactions at their own pace
Being able to step away when needed

If they participate in even a small part of the visit comfortably, that’s a win.

Your Family, Your Rules

Not every family gathering needs to follow tradition. You get to decide:

How long visits last
Which activities they participate in
How to manage sensory overload
When to step away

When visits are adapted to your family’s needs, they can become genuinely enjoyable for everyone - relatives included.

The holidays are about connection, not compliance. When you focus on comfort, choice, and joy, you create memories that work for your family, not someone else’s holiday ideal.

6 Tips for Preparing for Holiday Visits with Autism